This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
