I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Randomize
