Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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