I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
