its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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