I think I just saw someone hide a body.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
