OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
