this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
