Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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