Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
areolas are like halos for boobs.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
