We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My vagina is officially offended.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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