My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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