Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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