I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
