when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
