I'm laying in your front yard are you home
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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