I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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