I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
His hands were made for my vagina.
We are two peas in an std pod
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
