Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
