Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
