i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
