The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
