i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
