I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
