how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize