K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
