Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
