drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
