when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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