I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
