The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
