he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
