i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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