After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
