he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
