what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
