Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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