i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
