so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Your topless pictures make me question reality
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
