It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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