Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
