Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
