I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
