I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
