I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Fuck appropriateness.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
