so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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