Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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