imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My breath smells like gin and sadness
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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