Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
