I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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