um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
