Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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