My girlfriend figured out who you are.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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