physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
