Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
