A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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