i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
