Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize