so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
