Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
