i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
