Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
