i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
