I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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