The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
not ubering you a puppy
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