I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
